Wednesday, April 29, 2009

100 Days Down, 1361 To Go (or 2822 cuz he'll need 2 terms to declare world peace)

Barack's actually done a lot in his first 100 days, more than most Presidents. Here's a quick list of all of his hope-giving, change-making accomplishments:

He's blamed everything from the economy to terrorism on George W. Bush and his Republican cohorts. Soon, he'll lay responsibility for swine flu and blue balls on the "previous administration."

He's spent trillions of dollars on God knows what. My street still has potholes. I want my infrastructure!

He's used the phrase "line by line" more times in 100 days than anyone has used it in a lifetime.

He got a puppy.

He made a correct championship pick in the NCAA Tournament.

He used his telekinetic abilities to steady the hands of the Navy sharpshooters who rescued Captain What's His Name from pirates.

He's incited class hatred, joining the likes of V.I. Lenin, and Karl Marx. Up next: open class warfare.

He's openly and aggressively attacked anyone and everyone who has criticized or even questioned his policies.

He's let Nancy Pelosi wear the pants in Washington.

He terrified the Congress and the people into passing his stimulus spending... OR ELSE!

Ignoring the advice of Dr. Ian Malcolm, he didn't let nature take its course and extinguish (or extinctify) corporate dinosaurs like General Motors and Chrysler.

Instead, he's spent billions of our dollars to artificially keep their brain dead bodies alive. He's also brought in some of that class vs. class combat, with union members being compensated dramatically more than bondholders.

He blew the first bit of air into the currency bubble.

He referred to tax-day protesters of his policies as "people waving tea-bags around."

He's helped the economy recover. Well, not recover. He's helped the economy collapse more slowly. Then again, a struggling factory's production stops decreasing once it hits 0, so I don't know how much of an accomplishment this is.

He's changed the federal laws on gay marriage. No, wait...

He's given your grandchildren plenty of hobbies and things to do so they stay busy.

1 comment:

Justin said...

He's changed the federal laws on gay marriage. No, wait...Ziiiiiiinnnnnggggg...