Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Battle of Guantanamo Bay

101 years ago, the US invaded Guantanamo Bay. It was a battle in one of the lesser examined wars in US history: The Spanish American War. In 1898, it was some Marines fighting some Spainards. Now the Second Battle of Guantanamo Bay is between Democrats and their old arch nemesis: Reality.

The Democrats are always the sentimental favorites, but they always lose to Reality. Democrats think you can just throw money at problems and they'll go away. Reality disagrees. Democrats think you can negotiate with the lunatics that run countries like Iran. Reality really crushes them in that battle.

During Barack's campaign, Guantanamo was a rallying cry of the New York Times Liberal (NYTL). They even used a cool, slick nickname for the base: "Gitmo." After all, Guantanamo Bay sounds like a Spring Break hotspot. Gitmo sounds like a futuristic concentration camp.

Shut down Guantanamo! That's what Barack promised he would do back in January. Not IMPROVE Guantanamo. Not IMPROVE the conditions of prisoners in Guantanamo. Flat-out, shut it the fuck down!

Now just a sidenote, I don't think water boarding is torture, but I'm not the Geneva Convention. The US never signed "The Rob Zeitz Treaty" to define torture and all that cool stuff. You have to play by the rules you agree to play by. So I'd be fine with restructuring and improving the conditions at Guantanamo. But "shutting it down?" Why?

Apparently, people can only be tortured in Guantanamo Bay. They can't be tortured anywhere else.

But now Reality wields its formidable arsenal of truths and "face-its." Logistics, an ally of Reality since time began, is the spearhead of the counterattack on liberal idealism. Where do these detainees go? Leavenworth? I don't think Kansas would like that. Colorado? i don't think John Denver would like that.

Face it, no state wants these guys. To me, it's not a big deal if they're here or there. Hell, put them in Walpole. There are murderers and psychos everywhere. But I think people prefer to have them in Cuba, and not their own state. It's part of that whole peace-of-mind thing. Remember, this is the American public, the same people who rushed out to buy duct tape to seal up their houses for fear of massive chemical attacks. They scare real easy.

I have arachnaphobia. There are about 70,000 spiders per suburban acre, and my house sits on about 1/3 of an acre, so that's about 20,000 spiders that I live with. How do i deal with that? I don't see them. I know they're there, but they're not right in my face. It's the same thing with these detainees. People don't want them on the same landmass, let alone the same state.

Of course, the primary feature of the afore-mentioned New York Times Liberal, is an inability to recognize that there are people who don't think like them. The NYTLs (pronounced nittles) just wanted "Gitmo" to go away. They didn't think of the logistics. And now Barack's flip-flopping like John Kerry on a 2 day cocaine bender. He's got his superleft base, and the larger but less vociferous moderates. The superlefts want Guantanamo destroyed and the word erased from history books. The moderates want to keep terrorists in Cuba.

Decisions, decisions...

And say what you want about George W. Bush, but that motherfucker either didn't know or didn't care what would make everyone happy. He did what he thought was right.

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